Here's a little piece I found on EBay. I liked it so much that I couldn't let it die at the end of the auction. I removed all the EBay stuff but the remainder is original out of the box material.
Did you really think Barbie dolls were simply loved to the end of their days?
Did you think that the somewhat disheveled Barbies lining the shelves of the Goodwill found homes with sweet little girls who looked beyond the home-hair-cut-frizzy coif, fingers and toes lost to rambunctious kittens or puppies and their frayed clothing, all to find a doll to care for and spend countless hours playing with?
Think again, folks....
THE MYTH EXPLODED!!
You thought when you tucked her away to give to your child years from now that she would simply lie there like a rug, waiting for another generation to abuse her...
Well she didn't...
She got sick of being encased in plastic (not to mention that she was starting to suffocate), and while you grew up, married, and kept her packed away for those children of yours, Barbie had a life too!
That's right, she used those perfectly manicured fingernails and busted out.
She hopped from job to job...was a doctor, dentist, teacher, veterinarian, NASCAR driver, basketball player, and even a princess!
But her life just didn't seem complete until she met Ken...
After a whirlwind courtship, the two were married amid a sea of friends and family.
Barbie's life was perfect beyond her wildest dreams. She and Ken had a penthouse apartment in the city, where they frequently hosted chic celebrity parties, as well as a home in the country to get away from it all.
The 2.5 children quickly became reality and then some, when Barbie gave birth to seventeen babies!
Yes...life was bliss for Barbie, Ken and the children.
But that bliss quickly came to an end one tragic afternoon, when Barbie came home from a day at the spa with her girlfriends. Ken informed Barbie that he had some news for her...
She panicked...were those late nights at the office really for work? What about all of those business trips? Maybe he was dying of some horrific disease...
Trembling in fear, with tears streaming down her face, she asked Ken what was wrong.
He told Barbie the truth...their marriage was a sham...an attempt by him to fit in at the law firm he worked for...he needed the perfect wife and the perfect little family to become a partner, and now that he made it, he could hide his true self no longer...
Ken revealed that he was a woman trapped in a man's body, and would be leaving for Switzerland for a sex-change operation (though, according to my own recollection of Ken dolls, the operation couldn't have made a drastic difference).
Barbie was devastated (it didn't help that Ken looked much better in that dress than she ever did). At first, Barbie went wild...she picked up strange men at the Piggly Wiggly while she was out riding the motorcycle she blew the divorce settlement on.
Utterly alone, a despondent Barbie hit rock-bottom...realizing her life had become nothing but a string of one-night stands, meaningless liasons with men she found on street corners and in the meat department of the grocery store, she sank into a deep depression. At her lowest moment, Barbie attempted suicide, but was unsuccessful in her effort.
She raided the refrigerator until the only thing left in it was a three year old box of baking soda...and then she ate that too!
It's been years since Ken left (he is now known as Kenita and works as a beauty rep for a major cosmetics organization) and Barbie has hit her 40's...the ravages of time, early menopause and her lifestyle have caught up with her.
And now here is your chance to own this extremely collectible, extremely limited edition "Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie." You won't find this beauty in stores anywhere!
Do you need a perfect gift for that hard-to-buy-for person on your list? What says "I love you and your many moods...I understand your body is undergoing normal physical changes right now and I will be a compassionate partner to you during this time in your life please don't kill me," better than this doll?
Features you or that special someone on your gift list will enjoy with your "Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie" -
 | Black-rooted hair that hasn't been brushed or styled in 18 years - have
fun with your friends locating the three hairbrushes, two combs and other
treasures anchored in that glorious mane with two cans of Aqua Net! |
| Bask in the warm glow of Barbie's hot flash-flushed face! |
| Gaze into Barbie's Prozac-glazed eyes while admiring her over-collagened
lips - complete with cigarette dangling from her mouth and stray facial hair!
Please note that Barbie lost her eyebrows in a bizarre bacon-frying accident
back in '92 |
| See the effects a diet of Twinkies and beer has had on Barbie's posterior
region! Adorable cellulite dimples on a creamy alabaster background - what
more could you ask for!  |
| Between the raging hormones and the fact that Barbie hasn't waxed or
shaved in a few years, you will marvel at the silky softness of the hair
covering Barbie's legs, armpits and across the tops of her toes! |
| Barbie's action fashion outfit of stretched-all-to-heck panties and
matching tube top covering her rather flatish chest - her implants slid to her
butt years ago! |
| Your special, limited edition, signed, and numbered 1-in-a-series-of-1
doll will also include Barbie's mug of beer, a bottle of Prozac, and a box of
Hamburger Helper - all the fixins' for a romantic dinner at home! |
| Barbie will be coated in a protective sealer to last for years and years!
She is certain to become a much-coveted heirloom! |
| Fabulous Walmart all-metal dollstand to display your doll with pride
though Barbie's rear-end also makes it possible to simply lean her against a
wall and she balances quite well! |
Stand her on your desk and feel good about yourself on even the worst of days! Take her out to the bars and clubs - your days of being the "pretty one's friend" are officially over when you are with Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie!
Place your bid now and own this one of a kind piece of art that will be sure to have you thinking (Please note: Author/"artist" can not guarantee what you will be thinking about).
Priority Mail shipping, handling and delivery confirmation will be $4.50 for this fabulous doll! C'mon...you know you've got to have it and you will want it in two to three days!!
I try to ship each day Monday through Thursday, but am flexible if you are in a situation where you really, really, really, gotta-have-it-now, going to die without it and can often manage to get to the post office on Friday and Saturday as well. Global Priority Rates are also available.
PayPal is swell, money orders are wonderful too and checks of the non-rubber type are also welcome!
Absolutely zero animals and only one human were harmed in the production of this listing (I glued my fingers together a couple of times, but should be alright after a couple of martinis). While the doll shown above is a genuine Barbie, not all parts are from the same doll...Barbie suffered severe arm-meltage while having her buttocks baked in the oven and they were replaced with another Barbie-like doll's arms. To all Barbie Doll Lovers - I did not maliciously deface, bend, fold, spindle or mutilate her...believe it or not, she looks better now than than when I found her! I love Barbie! I have my own collection...please do not send me email calling me Satan spawn. If you are looking for an action figure, this is NOT it - this gal hasn't seen any action in years and between the buttocks addition and the arm melting incident, Barbie has been glued to keep her together. Clothing has been glued on to give Barbie a little modesty, please do not purchase if you merely want to take off her outfit and sneak a peek at her goodies. Additional dolls, clothing and accessories pictured are not included. Some dolls identities' have been masked to protect their privacy. All text and pictures are the property of me, please do not use without permission unless you wish to make me cry. Some of the money from this auction will go toward the rehabilitation and restoration of other homeless Barbies, the rest will be used to purchase Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream - if I could fill my bathtub with the stuff, I would dive right in! Thank you for your time, now please BID! SAVE A BARBIE!! What are you waiting for? HURRY! Do it now before you forget!!
A note to my regular, and my sometimes irregular customers who already know I am a little nuts: I am participating in a contest (the BAC1 AKA The Bizarre Auction Challenge 1) and will have my usual fare listed Thursday evening! Not that you wouldn't want to have your very own Raging Hormones Menopausal Prozac Barbie, but just in case you were wondering if I went waaaaay off the deep end - I haven't...not yet...but then again, do you think it is a problem if I actually hear Barbie speaking to me?